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"I met a guy online and we dated for about a year," she says.
"It ended when my husband caught me." Vanessa and her husband agreed to seek therapy separately and together, and were able to save their marriage.
Regardless of the reason, there's one thing that's certain: infidelity is devastating. "In many cases, it forces issues to the surface of a relationship that would have never otherwise been dealt with," says Kevin Hansen, author of RELATED: 10 Surprising Traits Men Who Cheat Have in Common "From the day I married my husband, I knew it was a mistake," says 50-year-old Elizabeth Smith.* "He was abusive, controlling and expected me to quit my job to make a home for him." A little over a year into the marriage, she began having an affair with a man that she worked with.
What You Can Learn: While the confidence gained from the affair may have given her the spark she needed to get out of a bad relationship, New York City psychologist Michael E.
Silverman, Ph D, says if you're in an abusive relationship, deception isn't the best way to deal with it.
What You Can Learn: While what her husband did may be shocking, the fact that there was unaddressed anger in the relationship created fertile ground for an affair, says Dr. "Coupled with the lack of sexual intimacy there was nothing left to hang a relationship on," he says Even though the affair helped Vanessa learn some valuable lessons and the relationship was ultimately saved, Dr.
Silverman stresses the importance of open and honest communication in a relationship as a way for a couple to stay connected—before one of the spouses seeks comfort or intimacy outside of the marriage.
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